Mindset Overhaul

Hello blog!

Its been 4 months since my last post and I sincerely missed you! I’m currently on my energy boost mode (that’s between 11:00pm to 2:00am daily recently). And as I found my to-do list brightly highlighted with “DONE”, I figured I now have a guiltless time to revisit my alternate world.

Last time I checked, I mentioned that we had Olive baptized. She was 3 months old then. Fast forward to now. She’s a budding 7-months old baby with advanced locomotor skills which have kept us (me, Mr. H and Yaya) all the more watchful of her. She’s been laughing at funny faces we make, peek-a-boos and quirky sounds. A few weeks ago, she was down with mild fever, cough and flu, but she’s all better now. She’s grown her first teeth and has been fond of biting anything and anyone. She has really become our source of fatigue and joy. And each day, I wanted to spend more time indulging in this phase of her childhood.

7 months old Olive

7 months old Olive

Time is essential for me right now. And time is something I do not want to spend often as a stressed out work-at-home mom who doesn’t have a social life and is unhappy. So I decided to shift back to gear one and take things in stride.

The Happiness Factor

In June, I was able to earn $300 a week from my freelance job. It felt great and I wanted to maintain earning that figure for as long as I could. But that accomplishment came with a price.

I was less attentive in taking care of Olive. I did not gave enough attention to my husband and our business. And despite those, I still found myself constantly stressed and feeling guilty. Stressed because I know, I left a lot of things undone for our business, and guilty because I felt I was irresponsible as a mother and a wife. Think of having a bag full of a month’s laundry which I only washed because we didn’t have anything to wear anymore.

I tried justifying my act. I pushed myself to work hard because I wanted us out of our current apartment. The houses we are looking at cost the same, if not more expensive. But I was looking for a place where we could be more comfortable as a family with a growing kid. I was unhappy with our current environment and the fact that we’re experiencing flooding.

I wanted us to be financially capable of drawing ourselves out of here. But I learned that I can’t change everything in a month’s time, no matter how mad and desperate I am with working.

I was only leaning to become more stressed, more unhappy. I felt like no one was taking me seriously and I was hating by myself, alone.

Pause and Realizations

That’s when I tried to stop for a while.

I felt like I deserved to rest after working so hard. I took time to literally just lie down and do nothing but reflect. Then realization and remorse hit me.

I realized it wasn’t just me who’s having a hard time. Mr. H has also been restless (driving for days, sometimes sleepless working on preventive maintenance schedules and lifting heavy objects). It wasn’t my sole responsibility to earn for us. We’re partners and he’s also burning his ass off earning for our family. I need to stop saying “I”. It should be “us”, “we”.

I shouldn’t work hard. I should be working smart. But right now, the place just doesn’t allow for an engaging workplace to hire an assistant. The first and last one who came for a walk-in interview didn’t came back. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean I couldn’t work smart in the future. Answer: Set up a spare workstation once we’ve transferred office.

I am unhappy and whining all the time. I am too stubborn to accept that some realities that can’t be changed overnight. I read somewhere that 90% of the problems a man has is caused by himself. For instance, I was sleepless for 2 nights in a row because there’s a wild and loud party on a nearby covered court. I can’t do anything about it. And yet I kept myself bothered about it for several days.

I don’t have a social life. But becoming a mother didn’t cause that. I chose to live here, that’s why. And naturally, I wouldn’t have my family and friends here.

I am not the best person to take care of a child. I admit that. That’s why we hired an in-house nanny. But that doesn’t excuse me from bonding with my baby, and for not lending a hand when Yaya needs to do the cooking, dish washing and the laundry.

Finally, I felt like I was too hard on myself for no good reason…

Night owling again…

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Cultivating Good Vibes

The rest period after my workaholic June was an extended one.

WE treated OURSELVES to a full body massage. It wasn’t at the expensive spas we used to frequent when we were still dating (those that offer sauna and 1.5 hour couple massage). But with a baby behind us, Nuat Thai at the nearby Shopwise sufficed. The last time we had a more luxurious one was the day before our wedding in 2011. I know… its 2013 already.

I started declining job invitations I’m unsure if I could accomplish in time. Instead, I focused with my regular clients who send me tasks every now and then. That meant I didn’t have a full load. But I wasn’t really happy with having a full load and restless just the same.

Pending job invitations... >_>

Pending job invitations… >_>

I scoured the newspapers, internet advertisements and braved talking to the Cebuano landlords/ladies of apartments and houses for rent. I wasn’t successful and we were nearly frustrated discussing with prospects only to back out because of practical reasons. Just in time, my father-in-law told us that someone from their hometown is building a house and they’d want to rent it out to someone they know.

We visited the site (it was still under construction) and it turned out to be exactly what we were looking for. A 3 bedroom duplex house with a garage. The owners are kind enough to allow our business. One room was allotted for our office. They had a really nice ventilation (strategically placed windows in almost every room) which were lacking in most of the houses we’ve seen. The bathrooms are new. And Olive can roam around in a walker. It was the answer to our prayers!

There was a kapilya nearby where fiestas and parties are held oftentimes. But instead of whining about it, I just found a valid excuse for us to occasionally sleep in a pension house.

Alba Uno

Alba Uno Pension House. I dream of sleeping here one noisy night.

I volunteered to do collections from business clients and bank deposits from time to time. Going out of the house makes me forget that resentment of not having family and friends close by. Aside from the cardio, I’ve been able to visit the public library and learned that they offer free wifi access. I was able to enroll our accounts for online funds transfer which has been in my to-do list for so long. I also made efforts to meet with fellow freelancers within the city (who also lack the social life that usual employed people enjoy).

Looks familiar? #librarygirl

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More than anything else, I made it a point to express and show my love for Olive and my husband. I let her crawl, sit, roll and stand on our queen size bed, play with stuff toys, sing songs to her, teach her how to high five, clap and close/open her hands. I embraced her, kiss and cuddle as much as I could, because I know tomorrow she’d be bigger. I carefully watch over her milk, vitamin and hygienic supplies so we wouldn’t run out of stock, and personally walk to the drugstore to make the purchase even when her dad isn’t around.

Whenever my husband comes home after a full schedule (of deliveries, checkups and pull outs), I remember to prepare a dry bath with lukewarm water and a soft towel. I kiss him whenever he goes to sleep first, and take the 2-3:00 am shift of feeding Olive. I became more thoughtful of buying material things (while we’re together) that he needs but wouldn’t prioritize because he’s thinking of our expenses, like a new collared shirt or a better brand of hair gel.

Let Go

Within that rest period, I let myself indulge with things unrelated to work and with which I felt gratification afterwards. Things I stopped doing because I thought I didn’t have time or I couldn’t afford them like:

  • Cooking a meal
  • Doing the laundry
  • Reading AND finishing books (I’ve finished 2 books within that rest period, including Steve Jobs)
  • Watching movies and random Youtube videos
  • Having drinks and pastries in a cafe
  • Appreciating new artists and downloading MP3s
  • Running (although I haven’t repeated this after that one time)
  • Sorting things (clothes, files, bags etc.)
  • Making random lists
  • Thinking about the good times and how I could repeat that with my family in tow

Otherworldlyworkplace

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With those, I let go of my workaholic self and saw how different everything could be. The end result wasn’t like an Extreme Makeover Self edition radical kind of change, but I knew I felt better.

I saw that I have a budding family, a promising business and career, a hope for a better household and the resources to enjoy life. Nobody was demanding me to work 40 hours a week while looking after a baby and running another business but MYSELF. I should stop because I wasn’t actually happy.

And when I did, I felt more lighthearted. I was more playful and was easier to get along with. Everything seemed simpler.

I finally came to terms that in order for me to be happy with what I have now, I should not focus on my anger, frustration and sadness. I am licensed to feel angry, frustrated and sad. But I shouldn’t keep myself feeling that way all the time. Looking back, I felt stupid and stubborn acting like a kid.

I couldn’t say that I won’t feel negative again in the future, its part of my personality after all. But I wouldn’t force myself to go robot mode again, and feel sorry about myself afterwards.

To sum it up:

My to-do list is always full. But I’m pleased that everyday, there’s something being crossed off.

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Back on Our Feet

“We’re back on our feet!”

This was what my husband said a few days ago, as he successfully closed new projects and observed that I’m busy doing several design projects (and didn’t have time to blog).

Aside from our savings (which is still in replenish mode), I think could agree. ^_^

My freelancing took a back seat when Olive was born. The problem with being a freelancer is that nobody gives you a maternity leave. You earn great, but if you are impulsive and spoil yourself with a lavish lifestyle, you might end up zero. I had savings on my oDesk wallet to cover a month that I won’t be able to work. But since I delivered via CS, it wasn’t enough and ended up being used as payment for our hospital bills. We were broke after out discharge.

The first few weeks felt so chaotic and depressing.

I had to nurse Olive. We have additional people to feed in the house. I felt like I NEED TO GET BACK TO WORK ASAP. But attending to Olive took up most of the time in my day, I can’t even do anything else. I notified my clients, beforehand, that I’d be away for a while. But although they were supportive and understanding, one by one, most of my contracts ended. Google was no help when I looked up any tips for pregnant freelancers. I guess there really was no advice but to prepare even for the unexpected.

Thankfully, Lauren of Flavours Catering, who’s been my long-time client, sent me a job that kept me busy. I had to send back PSD files of the materials I’ve done for them so they could archive everything. In the end, there were a total of more than 700 PSD files since I began working from them last year. (Come to think of it, I’ve been working with her for a year now) I sent the last batch last March 19.

Having nothing else to do, I applied to open jobs again. Despite being experienced and with good client feedback, not even 1 of the 25 job applications I’ve sent ended up with a job offer. I was anxious. I know that if I can’t meet my self-imposed quota, next month’s vaccination, christening and credit card bills would be a problem. God was probably in the works though, ‘coz the next morning, I had like 4-6 job invitations and has been piling up til now. Like oDesk acknowledges that I’m back from my maternity leave.
Loving My oDesk Clients

As eager as I am in getting new projects, I quickly responded and landed with 3 new tasks. It felt like scoring my first job again on oDesk!

I took on a fixed-rate project with Edie – a motivational speaker/author, who needs a double-sided flyer for a book expo. She’s happy with the draft I sent so far and even recommended me to her colleagues. I like that she’s smart and sweet despite her level of being an expert and that.

On hourly jobs, I got on board the team of James – who’s into promoting Youtube SEO. I’m doing his monthly newsletter using iWork’s Pages. Its actually my first time doing a task out of it, but it feels great that I’m able to deliver and meet his expectations. This is also the first time that I’m actually also able to converse with other outsourced member of his team.

Last but not the least is Jennifer. I’m so glad to have met a client who’s also a fellow work at home mom! Did her flyers and postcards and am exploring MailChimp for customized templates. She’s my second client who needs a template done and I think its about time I learn about it.

Busy with oDesk

Happy to have my hands busy

For the first time, in a long while, I felt happy with getting stressed. My to-do list was full, and I’m juggling with office work with HVPC. I could only manage to whip an experimental snack for a break. Try champorado + Coffee Mate + Corn Flakes, really yummy!

nom nom nom

Quick Snack: mix left over champorado with Coffee Mate and Kellogs Cornflakes. YUM!

But if isn’t for Fahima, I wouldn’t have my first freelance job and my first client feedback. A 5-minute business card was my first stint into the freelance world. She was always patient with me despite my shortcomings when I get loaded with work. She and Lauren are my long-time clients who gave me a badly needed pat on the back! (After a long while of working in the Philippine Government).

Preps for Olive’s Christening

Christening Event

Saved money from not printing invitations

And as projects keep coming, Mr. H and I are busy on the side preparing for Olive’s christening. We’re targeting April 13 at the Cebu Metropolitan Cathedral where her dad was also baptized. I’m quite sad that my family and friends couldn’t come due to short notice. Anyhow, we’re also on a limited budget, so we’re not planning anything fancy. We might just take the few expected visitors to a restaurant for dinner.

Last night, we bought her a outfit for the rites. A white dress with cap & frilly socks from Metro Ayala Dept. Store and this super cute headband from Celestina & Co. (The Maze at Ayala Cebu).

Celestina & Co Headband

Really happy with this head band! 🙂 planningtobuymore

Olive's Christening Dress

Cotton dress with bloomers for our princess

I’m super satisfied with what we’ve bought! I might actually wear it myself if I were her size! So glad to have found the headpiece! The dept store at Metro Ayala ran out of stocks. But I think I found a treasure trove at the Maze. They had so much to choose from that I didn’t have to check out online stores to buy from Manila.

Daddy H also INSISTED we buy her pairs of short pants and toys. She’s just always wearing a diaper at home. I bought her pajamas but we don’t dress her with those since its always humid. And the father wants her to have a variety of things to look at at home aside from Ate’s wallflower and our photos and glow in the dark stickers posted on our bedroom wall. While at that, I also bought her extra hooded towels. Olive’s grown out of the ones Mommy brought from Dasma. ^^

Baby Shorts

Assorted colored baby shorts on sale!

Care Bears hooded towel

Care Bears hooded towel

Stuff Toys

Chicken & fish plushies

So we got her these shorts which were on sale, a mobile set from Fisher Price (T_T so expensive), a blue birdie and colorful fishie stuff toys. I insisted we drop by Comic Alley for my choice of stuffed toys. Thinking of cute plushies but they’re out of stock.

Tiny Milestones

My credit card sure got smoking, but its worth it when we saw Olive’s curiosity and enjoyment. Playing with her makes me feel like a kid again! ^_^ And what do you know, from the last time that I’ve posted, our tiny bee also learned some new skills!

She’s beginning to turn to her side, do the caterpillar crawl and, oh, what a loud solid crying voice! XD

Olive learns to turn

Olive learns to turn

She’s also more talkative and responsive compared from the last month. We just have to capture it on amateur video for when she grows up! 🙂

Missing Dasma this Holy Week

Its the start of Semana Santa and we might just stay at home. Its my second Holy Week spent here in Cebu, and I’m missing Dasma a LOT! The last time we were there, we went to Calaruega to inquire about the wedding venue, dropped by Sonia’s Garden and roadtripped to traffic.

McDonald's spotted on our road trip

McDonald’s caught on traffic at Tagaytay

Sonya's Garden

Fantasized our wedding reception to be held here, if not for the vegetarian menu and price tag that’s way above our budget!

 

Calaruega, Batangas

Me and my then-boyfriend at Calaruega :3

In the following days, I know I’d be scrolling down to newsfeed of family outings or friendly get togethers on Facebook. I wish we’d be there next Lenten Season and be with family on Visita Iglesia.

But actually, just being at home with them and Olive. That’s more than enough.

Oh the things that we can’t buy

Daddy H, Olive, me and Yaya Jane are all tired tonight. We went to SM (SM City Cebu) to canvass a laptop and digicam. The laptop is a replacement for Toshi (Daddy H’s 4-year old Toshiba laptop) who retired last January. We’re eyeing for a Lenovo Thinkpad. The specs are compatible for Daddy H’s work related requirements. Meanwhile, we’re hunting for a Lumix LX7 to replace his old digicam so we could capture Olive’s growing up moments more dramatically. We’re opting for the LX7 because of its semi-DSLR features.

 

Fortunately and unfortunately, we came in time for the last day of mall-wide sale. It was great that there’s so many tempting bargains and we’re both armed with our credit cards. Unfortunately, there were so many people (more than the crowd at the Ayala Mall sale I went to last Thursday) that it killed the mood for me to enjoy window shopping. The people made me nauseous along with the fear of losing the sight of Olive and Jane from the sea of shoppers. Despite that, I think Olive enjoyed seeing so many colors around. She was never irritated all the while. Just sobbing a bit when she’s beginning to feel hungry. We bought her glow in the dark stickers of celestial bodies and a few scrapbook picture frames. Later, we had snack at Starbucks using the GCs Daddy H won from the Emerson event.

Starbucks GCs

Prizes from Emerson’s Product Launching Event 🙂

So after whirling around the mall, we found our target gadgets on display at several retailer stores in the Cyberzone and at the SM Department Store. They’re available for purchase on 12 months zero interest installment. The sad thing is that they’re also offering the items with a bigger discount if paid in cash. *SIGH!!! So much savings if only we have cash!

I used to believe that its wiser to buy anything in cash than in credit. Never buy something you can’t afford. THEN CAME MY CREDIT CARD. I have my BPI Edge Mastercard for more than a year now and it has been my friend in times of need. The most desperate moments were during my pregnancy and after having delivered Olive. Thank God I’m not that much of an impulsive buyer. I have this constant fear that we might not be able to pay the next month’s bill. Luckily, we haven’t been able to miss a due date. I always see to it that we’d be able to settle both of our credit card bills. My husband has Metrobank with double my credit limit. Oha! Daig ako! The laptop, digicam, the LED TV, and a new airconditioning unit were large eye candies for us. But mentally summing up all of them, I know we’d be in debt for 100,000 pesos. Divide that by 12 months and that’s more than 8,000 pesos on the credit card bill. Ansarap bigla umuwi. I know of a few stores in Manila where we could buy the Lenovo and the Lumix for almost half the mall prices. But of course, they wouldn’t offer installment options.

 

Sale Sale Sale!!!

A parody of mall sales as depicted in the movie Zohan. Clearance sale ang peg ng mga Middle-Eastern immigrants. XD image from http://www.movie-censorship.com

I know this is another price to pay since we had a baby in the family. We couldn’t just buy anything at a whim without considering the next month’s checkup, her vaccination schedules, milk and impending baptism. We have to have a purchase plan. This is also the main reason why we as parents are driven to work doubly hard. The gadgets, a vehicle and a house – we need everything but we know we can’t afford to get them all at once. I could double my earnings as a freelancer, but that would need me to stop being a mother. And that is not an option.

Olive's Vaccination Checklist

We’re not even halfway through Olive’s vaccination checklist @_@

Again, I remember when someone told me “your baby’s gonna be a handful”. I didn’t expect that I’d be almost paralyzed from working. I was even a bit proud to decline my mother-in-law’s offer to send a yaya immediately after I gave birth. I am now thankful that she did. Otherwise, I’d be crazy right now. And even if Olive has recently been sleeping through the night, I could still barely manage accepting new design projects. Add to that my memory gaps – side effects of the general anesthesia administered to me.

Slowly now, I’m like a car being overhauled and tuned up in getting back to work. I wish and pray really hard that this year wouldn’t be as tough as the last financially. I know with faith and action, it will be!

IT Park

Strolling at IT Park

A Day Out in the City

I WENT OUT OF THE HOUSE ALONE LAST THURSDAY!!!

Yes that’s BIG NEWS! The last time I went out alone was for a checkup when I was a few months pregnant and I had to go back home right after because I had so many weird goings-on in my body. This time its to complete my SSS requirements, buy some office supplies and canvass a dress for Olive. We’re planning to have her christened next month.

As usual, the heat and the crowded jeepneys of Cebu were killer factors. I rarely opt to bring an umbrella, but I HAD TO lately. 1 year mahigit na akong di gumagamit ng whitening soap! And though I appreciate the traffic flow in Cebu City, hate ko talaga mag-commute sakay ng jeep. Pilit pa ding pinagkakasya ng mga kundoktor yung isang dosenang pasahero sa jeep na sampuan lang. Siguro kung batang maliliit kaming lahat keri lang. And I don’t know why people still ride a jeep na obvious namang punong puno na if you look from the outside. Meron kahit dulo na lang ng pwet ang nakaupo poise pa din. Talent siguro yun. >_> Dati sa Dasma, kapag nakitang madami ng nakasakay, maghihintay na ng kasunod na jeep yung mga pasahero. Kahit hindi nagsisinungaling yung barker nung sinabi nyang 2 pa yung kasya. Hehe.

Moving on, I unloaded at Maternity (version ng Fabella dito sa Cebu minus the scent of lochia you could smell from outside), crossed to the opposite side of the road para maglakad from Osmeña Circle to Cebu Doc. Oo nagtitipid ako ng pamasahe. Plus I was planning to enjoy the stroll despite knowing its 1:30 PM at walang kaulap-ulap sa siyudad.

Fuente Osmena

Hello City! We meet again!

One thing I appreciate about Cebu is that, unlike Manila, they have wide and clean sidewalks. You wont get paranoid about the people around because there’s a policeman stationed at strategic spots. Hindi naman ganun ka-crowded sa streets ng Cebu on an ordinary day. Compared din sa Manila, controlled naman yung peace and order dito kaya hindi ganun kahigpit ang hawak ko sa bag at hindi din ako nagbaon ng heavy duty cutter.

I passed by the Cebu City Public Library or the Rizal Memorial Library and Museum. Its structure is a bit overwhelming. I learned that the library is only housed in the ground floor. Upstairs probably served as a museum. There was a poster outside about an art exhibit. I’m hoping that its spacious inside, mentally picturing something like APD. Somewhat missed that place. I hope I could bring Olive to the Children’s section when we get home. Oh the huge storybooks and the puppets!

Rizal Memorial Library & Museum

Cebu City Public Library

A few more steps and I’m at my first destination. I went back to Cebu Doctors University Hospital to get my OB and Operating Room record as a requirement for my SSS claim. I just recently had the focus to fix the requirements. Partly because I feel like I need the refund since I couldn’t focus on freelancing lately. I liked the male clerk at the Medical Records Section.  He’s probably around 40-50 years old, but very accommodating despite his intimidating appearance. Plus points that he spoke in Tagalog when I told him I’m can’t understand Cebuano that much. He even checked my SSS maternity claim requirements if I missed something. For my OB record, I had to leave the form with Ms. Arlene, Dr. Larissa’s secretary, and call back if its ready for pick-up. For a while, I kinda missed having my prenatal checkups. Dr. Roa is very reassuring and kind throughout my pregnancy. I’d recommend her to anyone who needs and OB. 🙂

Medical Records Section

Waiting for my OR Records @ Cebudoc

I walked towards the Provincial Capitol after I’m done at CDUH. Mainit pa din. Pero tinamad na ko ilabas yung payong ko. Yung bitbit ko na lang na document envelop pinangsangga ko sa araw. The commute to Ayala was much better. Hindi puno yung jeep and wala ding kundoktor. I went to Broadway Gems first. Kelangang kelangan ko talaga bumili ng pony kasi nawawala yung kaisa-isang ponytail ko na bitbit galing Dasma. Nakakahinayang kasi may sentimental value yun. Tas long hair na ang lola mo, e sobrang humid ngayong mga nakaraang araw mga te. I really need to buy another one and a spare, in case ma-misplace ko na naman. Side effects ng General Anesthesia! So ayun nga. I’m not a fan of fancy hair accessories but I chose a candy colored spring type pony (14 pesos) and a simple black one (8 pesos) (pang serious mood). Namamahalan pa ko dun kasi alam ko sa bangketa makakabili ako nun ng tag-5 lang. Pero sobrang natuwa ako nung napadaan ako sa Marcella & nakita ko yung mga kapareho nun na mas mahal ang presyo. Bargain pa din yung nabili ko. Sinulit ko na din at bumili ako ng dangling earrings, a sparkly heart-shaped fancy diamond and a simple black teardrop pearl at 20 pesos each. Mura na din! Sa bahay lang din naman ako mag-eearrings habang nagtatrabaho. Hehe! I feel like dressing up sometimes kahit nandito lang sa bahay nagtatrabaho no!

Ponies and earrings

Ponytails and earrings from Broadway Gems

Next, I window shopped for a toy para kay Olive. I was thinking about a puppet or a mobile to hang at our bedroom or on top of her crib. Nakaka-respond na kasi siya if she hears a sound. Madaldal na din siya and BabyCenter was recommending the toys for her speech, eye and audio sensory development. Window shop lang kasi I have a strict budget in mind for her toys and christening dress. I found several dresses for Olive and a matching pair of shoes. We’ve decided though, na hindi namin siya pagsusuotin nung makati sa balat yung tela. You know what I’m talking about. Those dresses na parang pang-abay. I’m sure you’ve been forced to wear one before. I saw some that fits our budget pero pretty din & masusuot pa niya on other occassions.

I have my eyes on YOU!!!

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Kikay bib

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Olive's Christening dress?

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Kaso eto na, napansin ko andaming nakabalandra sa hallways. Sale pala sa Metro until March 18! I really not an impulsive buyer, but after seeing so many pretty dresses napakuha talaga ako! I also found a toy for Olive. Just a simple pink baby rattle, the cheapest in the infant toys section. Pero kahit ordinary lang siya, hindi talaga nawala ang attention ng bruha kapag naririnig at nakikita nya yun. ^___^ SULIT!!!

Guilty purchase from the Metro Ayala sale

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Eye candy for Olive

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So this is really how it feels kapag mommy ka na. Parang lagi mo gusto uwian ng pasalubong yung anak mo. Lalo na kapag baby girl! Parang ansarap maghoard ng baby dresses sa mall at umorder ng sunod sunod sa mga online stores. Tough act for a frugal person like me! Nakakaloka lang yung price tags! Mas mahal pa yung mga damit ng baby kesa sa damit naming mag-asawa. At bakit kung anong liit ng mga laruan ngayon, kasing mahal na din ng damit ng baby?! I found a mobile as well with cute teddy bears. I just wasn’t really decisive on buying it (unlike the dress ^_^). I was thinking of bringing along Daddy H before buying. Well actually, its more of getting his approval kasi I’m also planning to buy another set of baby towel and beddings. Mahirap na baka mag-overspend. Hindi pa naman ako masyado nakakapag-oDesk ngayon.

So cute but so expensive

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Hanu ba yan! Pagka-gamay, pagka-mahal! >_>

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Unbelievable price tags! x_X

 

But there. I’m glad I’m able to get another dose of the outdoors. Hope I could go to a different place again next time. Maybe take a stroll again at the Ayala parking lot or the sports complex. Being alone is somewhat therapeutic. Kinda makes me feel like myself again or figure out the changes in my life and embrace it when I come home. I’m thankful my husband allowed me to go. Til the next time! As of the moment, I’ll go burn some keyboards for cash. 😉

Workstation

Work – work – work!

A place for my sanity

Again, this late and I’ve just put Olive down. Its good that she’s sleeping soundly tonight despite me breastfeeding her every 2 hours. No insatiable crying tonight! Nakinig siguro kay Dr. Chiu (her pedia) kanina na yun ang cause ng pagmamalat niya. 2 days na siyang paos ang boses.

So for 2 nights, almost sleepless din kami ni Mr. H and on the second night, umatake na naman ang toyo ko. PPD setting in kasi 2:00 am na ayaw pa din paawat. Bad mood talaga ko later on the day. I’ll write more about PPD in another post. But this square icon generator shared by my friend (Ian) on Facebook made my day. Of course, ever an anime fan, I tried it out first inspired by my crazy mood.

v icon

:)) I think, understatement pa yan. If there were gloom bars and eye bags, or zombie effect, swak na swak yung effect. I posted it on Facebook and kuha agad ng reaction. Pano daw kaya itsura ng husband ko if version naman nya. So I did one for him. :))

mr h icon

I think, nakuha ko talaga itsura nya dito, especially the eye brows, goatee and the mole. Kaso nagrereklamo kasi parang kay ex-PGMA daw yung mole. LOLZ!!! But it wouldn’t be HIM without the mole, and its only that and a larger size dot for the options. Laughtrip! XD  …Anyhow, last but not the least, I made a version of the brat who drove me nuts but who I dearly love. ❤ ^_^ ❤

olive icon

SOOO ADORABLE!!! I wanted to add tear effects on Photoshop but I’ll keep it this way na lang. I swear Olive’s gonna get indoctrinated with anime and manga while she’s growing up. I think its cool and it brings out the humor and the kid in you even when you’re a grown up and in the worst mood. Its like a non-prescribed medicine against my PPD.

On another note, I found a lot of mom blogs today other than those I’ve shared on my blog roll. It makes me feel like I have a social circle despite not having close friends around. The feeling of isolation is somewhat lost. Some I hope I’ve read earlier when I was still pregnant. There were also some who admitted to have experienced post partum depression, and she’s even one of the more popular mom bloggers around. A tinge of relief that I’m not the only one who felt like going crazy on the first day of motherhood.

I’m hoping to establish connections and cultivate something positive out of it. I’m really trying my best and I feel that, like them, I’d be able to enjoy motherhood as well. Wanting now to eat those lactation cookies, shop for baby accessories and look fabulous with baby in tow! Inspired much?! Haha!

That’s it for tonight! We’ll be bathing Olive in the tub for the first time tomorrow (later na pala). Gigil na ko sabunin siya ng Lactacyd!!!

My Daily Routine… Lately

Olive turned 2 months old last March 5. Thankfully, she’s more predictable lately unlike in her first month. Changing diapers, nursing and cradling her to sleep seem more like a habit than a chore. I’m able to work again, although still not in the capacity to accommodate a variety of graphic design clients. I am even able to finish 3 months backlog of cash disbursements for our business. Feeling ko lalo kumulot ang utak ko dahil sa dami ng numero kelangan kong i-review. I admit, I have hard feelings to finish that one but it felt DAMN GOOD to balance accounting figures even though I’m mostly only good at creative stuff. And since I’m a writer ever since, I’m also stubbornly attempting to push blogging in between everything. Haggard, and unimaginable noh?

So what’s a day like in my life? LATELY this has been my routine:

  • Rise and shine at 10:45 AM
  • Breakfast at 11:00 AM
  • @ 11:15 AM — Substitute for a while for Janie (Olive’s yaya) so she could cook lunch
  • @ 12:00 NN – Lunch
  • 12:30 PM – Bring down my working bag (with my Mac, organizer, compilation of vouchers, notepad, wallet, cellphone and chargers) to the dining room which currently serves as my office desk. Love working in wide desks!
Kitchen Desk

My office… in the dining 🙂

  • 1:00 PM – Browse my Facebook, Yahoo Philippines, Bloglovin, Instagram and WordPress for updates before I dive into…
  • 1:30 PM – Work — Business concerns first (client follow ups, checking for scheduled collections and bills payment, coach our Sales Staff, review of liquidated petty cash and update on the accounting stuff) followed by…
  • 3:00 PM – oDesk — As of now, I’m only working with my long term clients. I don’t want to commit yet to new clients and be unable to manage tasks effectively
  • 6:00 PM — Nursing time for Olive as Janie prepares dinner
  • 7:00 PM — Dinner time
  • 8:00 PM — Second evening feeding for Olive
  • 8:30 PM — Move my working bag upstairs to our bedroom where I continue whatever I haven’t finished with oDesk or business concerns.
  • 10:00 PM, 12:00 MN, 2:00 AM — Nurse Olive every 2 hours and still work every hour in between since Olive would be asleep by then OR update my lists such as groceries, things to do, schedules, etc.
  • 6:00 AM — Olive’s bath time (still half asleep during this time. Mr. H & Janie usually does the baths). She’s bottle fed by her yaya from this time until 4:00 PM.

**NOTE: My bath time and blogging are inserted in random hours ^___^’ **

As you can see, I really don’t have time to go out and enjoy a change of scenery. I know. After reading it over, sounds unhealthy. But this is just for now, I guess, until Olive can feed less frequently and would be able to sleep on her own (hindi na kailangan isayaw pa at kargahin para matulog). Yet I know we can’t rush that. As Mr. H & I are saying, we should just enjoy each day while she’s still our cuddly little bundle of joy.

Bubbling Up

Sound asleep ^_^

A post shared by Vanessa Ezra Olaes Goopio (@vanessa_xyz) on

I just put Olive down after her 12:30 AM feed. I’m finally at ease that’s she’s been pacified. Sobrang nasaktan after ng vaccination kanina (kahapon actually, 6:00pm) that she won’t stop crying sa clinic and ayaw din dumede. I was anxious for her. Sabi kasi ni Doc hindi siya lalagnatin sa 5-in-1 vaccine ngayon (the combination of which I’m lazy to look up in her baby book), but she would be in pain. She was prescribed with Tempra to relieve the discomfort. Nung sinabi na in pain, I’m already anticipating the similar pain I felt after my HPV vaccine shots. Parang binugbog ang braso ko. I was afraid its the same thing Olive’s feeling. Ang liit pa naman ng hita nya (although mataba), but you get the proportion I’m talking about.

Anyhow, she’s better already. She’s having a favorable sleeping pattern these days – awake in the morning and asleep at night. Thank God dahil nakabawi na kami ng tulog. Although ako, the usual later sleeper, late din magising. ^^’ Excuse ko — kasi ako nagpapadede sa kanya ng midnight and at 2:00 AM. Olive’s also beginning to do mini-push ups, a lot more coos and gurgles and responsive smiles and laughs! And she’s only just 2 months!

I think, eto na yata yung phase na sabi nila, masarap magka-baby. After the tiring 9 months of pregnancy, the unexpected delivery by CS and a stressful recovery, now ko lang naaappreciate talaga yung gift na may baby. Yes, it is tough physically, mentally and financially. And sometimes the restless crying could drive me insane. But my tiny cupcake gives me all these positive notes:

  • Fun and comic relief when she seems to talk back to me in her own baby language
  • Contagious happiness when she flashes her smiles and laughs
  • Feeling of achievement when she’s able to do something new, as if her progress is also ours
  • A more caring disposition (actually, a more motherly disposition)
  • Youthful vibes, because when there’s a baby, your inner kid just gets out
  • Wanting ALWAYS for the best and not settling for anything second – yung “pwede na yan” attitude (be it toys, dresses, food, etc.)
  • A reason to slow down and cuddle coz we’re a family
  • Constant reason to accomplish more and earn more
  • Alleviated respect to my parents because they must’ve cared for me the way I do with Olive now
  • A drive to establish a homey feel on our apartment (or anywhere we’re living for that matter) — yung gusto mo kumpletuhin na yung mga gamit sa bahay although I didn’t really cared before
  • And lastly… A daily reason to wake up with a smile

If you have a baby yourself, I’m sure you feel the same. Or if you’re a new mom and you’re stressed to your wits, believe what people say. This That phase shall WILL pass. 🙂