A place for my sanity

Again, this late and I’ve just put Olive down. Its good that she’s sleeping soundly tonight despite me breastfeeding her every 2 hours. No insatiable crying tonight! Nakinig siguro kay Dr. Chiu (her pedia) kanina na yun ang cause ng pagmamalat niya. 2 days na siyang paos ang boses.

So for 2 nights, almost sleepless din kami ni Mr. H and on the second night, umatake na naman ang toyo ko. PPD setting in kasi 2:00 am na ayaw pa din paawat. Bad mood talaga ko later on the day. I’ll write more about PPD in another post. But this square icon generator shared by my friend (Ian) on Facebook made my day. Of course, ever an anime fan, I tried it out first inspired by my crazy mood.

:)) I think, understatement pa yan. If there were gloom bars and eye bags, or zombie effect, swak na swak yung effect. I posted it on Facebook and kuha agad ng reaction. Pano daw kaya itsura ng husband ko if version naman nya. So I did one for him. :))

I think, nakuha ko talaga itsura nya dito, especially the eye brows, goatee and the mole. Kaso nagrereklamo kasi parang kay ex-PGMA daw yung mole. LOLZ!!! But it wouldn’t be HIM without the mole, and its only that and a larger size dot for the options. Laughtrip! XD  …Anyhow, last but not the least, I made a version of the brat who drove me nuts but who I dearly love. ❤ ^_^ ❤

SOOO ADORABLE!!! I wanted to add tear effects on Photoshop but I’ll keep it this way na lang. I swear Olive’s gonna get indoctrinated with anime and manga while she’s growing up. I think its cool and it brings out the humor and the kid in you even when you’re a grown up and in the worst mood. Its like a non-prescribed medicine against my PPD.

On another note, I found a lot of mom blogs today other than those I’ve shared on my blog roll. It makes me feel like I have a social circle despite not having close friends around. The feeling of isolation is somewhat lost. Some I hope I’ve read earlier when I was still pregnant. There were also some who admitted to have experienced post partum depression, and she’s even one of the more popular mom bloggers around. A tinge of relief that I’m not the only one who felt like going crazy on the first day of motherhood.

I’m hoping to establish connections and cultivate something positive out of it. I’m really trying my best and I feel that, like them, I’d be able to enjoy motherhood as well. Wanting now to eat those lactation cookies, shop for baby accessories and look fabulous with baby in tow! Inspired much?! Haha!

That’s it for tonight! We’ll be bathing Olive in the tub for the first time tomorrow (later na pala). Gigil na ko sabunin siya ng Lactacyd!!!

My Daily Routine… Lately

Olive turned 2 months old last March 5. Thankfully, she’s more predictable lately unlike in her first month. Changing diapers, nursing and cradling her to sleep seem more like a habit than a chore. I’m able to work again, although still not in the capacity to accommodate a variety of graphic design clients. I am even able to finish 3 months backlog of cash disbursements for our business. Feeling ko lalo kumulot ang utak ko dahil sa dami ng numero kelangan kong i-review. I admit, I have hard feelings to finish that one but it felt DAMN GOOD to balance accounting figures even though I’m mostly only good at creative stuff. And since I’m a writer ever since, I’m also stubbornly attempting to push blogging in between everything. Haggard, and unimaginable noh?

So what’s a day like in my life? LATELY this has been my routine:

• Rise and shine at 10:45 AM
• Breakfast at 11:00 AM
• @ 11:15 AM — Substitute for a while for Janie (Olive’s yaya) so she could cook lunch
• @ 12:00 NN – Lunch
• 12:30 PM – Bring down my working bag (with my Mac, organizer, compilation of vouchers, notepad, wallet, cellphone and chargers) to the dining room which currently serves as my office desk. Love working in wide desks!

My office… in the dining 🙂

• 1:00 PM – Browse my Facebook, Yahoo Philippines, Bloglovin, Instagram and WordPress for updates before I dive into…
• 1:30 PM – Work — Business concerns first (client follow ups, checking for scheduled collections and bills payment, coach our Sales Staff, review of liquidated petty cash and update on the accounting stuff) followed by…
• 3:00 PM – oDesk — As of now, I’m only working with my long term clients. I don’t want to commit yet to new clients and be unable to manage tasks effectively
• 6:00 PM — Nursing time for Olive as Janie prepares dinner
• 7:00 PM — Dinner time
• 8:00 PM — Second evening feeding for Olive
• 8:30 PM — Move my working bag upstairs to our bedroom where I continue whatever I haven’t finished with oDesk or business concerns.
• 10:00 PM, 12:00 MN, 2:00 AM — Nurse Olive every 2 hours and still work every hour in between since Olive would be asleep by then OR update my lists such as groceries, things to do, schedules, etc.
• 6:00 AM — Olive’s bath time (still half asleep during this time. Mr. H & Janie usually does the baths). She’s bottle fed by her yaya from this time until 4:00 PM.

**NOTE: My bath time and blogging are inserted in random hours ^___^’ **

As you can see, I really don’t have time to go out and enjoy a change of scenery. I know. After reading it over, sounds unhealthy. But this is just for now, I guess, until Olive can feed less frequently and would be able to sleep on her own (hindi na kailangan isayaw pa at kargahin para matulog). Yet I know we can’t rush that. As Mr. H & I are saying, we should just enjoy each day while she’s still our cuddly little bundle of joy.

IN JUST ONE DAY: Statuses that could’ve flooded my Facebook and Twitter wall…

To spare flooding social media walls… These are my random thoughts… If only it won’t seem weird talking to walls…

1. Cebu weather is terrible this last quarter. I miss the dampness of Cavite.
2. Would like to go to oDesk Contractor Meetup Day tomorrow… Hope there’s free lunch!
3. I want to buy Christmas lights and decorate. But I don’t think the Christmas season fits the weather in here… 😦
4. Feels like I ate something raw and huge. And its struggling in my digestive tract. #7monthspregnant
5. I wonder if having no social life is to my advantage or not. Guess I’m avoiding unnecessary expenses. But not having the liberty to BUY on a whim makes me sad too…
6. Miss having lots of creative people in arms length to talk to…
7. I feel like today’s US elections would drastically affect tomorrow’s Forex! Hoping for higher $ value!!!
8. Ironic how cold it was this overcast morning. Then there’s hot wind blowing from behind me now… 😦
9. The problem with having a limited social circle is spending most of your time on social media and getting satisfied with a few comments on your posts… =_=
10. Nearly the end of the year. Missing giveaways from the office, suppliers, friends and family… Really those calendars and planners!
11. WHAT TO EAT!!!??? #lunchtime
12. I may need another workstation soon.
13. Will attend oDesk Contractors Meet-Up tomorrow! J Kinda excited to go out!
14. So many lists to make: grocery list, needed office supplies list, questions to ask doc list, oDesk open forum question list.
15. At the end of the day… this could’ve been my 15^th status update. HOW ANNOYING!
16. And I even forgot to mention that Obama got re-elected! Looking forward to higher USD exchange tomorrow. 🙂

 …Nao do you think I need to find a dog at least to converse with?

Defining Family vs Relatives

Oftentimes, I have critics who’re disgusted when I tell them I don’t know THAT person who shares the same surname/middlename/maiden name as mine. I really don’t bother browsing through family history to trace whether we’re related or not. Some INSIST I should, because we COULD BE FAMILY. Well I beg to disagree. Being RELATIVES and FAMILY has quite a stark contrast in my philosophy.

FAMILY in the Filipino sense is always nuclear – something that extends beyond places, dialects and regions. Maybe that’s why some people push me into looking through the (family tree) and locating how some stranger is related to me. I just don’t buy it. Another product of my cynicism is a harsh realization at how some ‘relatives’ take advantage of that connection depending on your occupation. Like when my dad used to be in active police duty and even now as my mom works in the justice system. I do empathize with relatives in really dire situations. Heck, we help out friends and neighbors when they’re in need. But sometimes, relatives just recognize you when you’re needed. People think sharing the same name and blood thickens the connection and puts a special ring of importance. It doesn’t.

Sometimes, there are friends who are more like family to you than your own relatives.

As common in most groups of people, not everyone likes everyone. When you don’t do anything, something’s gonna be thrown behind your back. I don’t really care.

Possibly the worst I was told, was that one person who shares my maiden name is quite a problem in their community. That’s the problem. You introduce yourself to me as a relative (my husband’s side), and you ask me if I know this person because we share (my maiden) name. And then you tell me how he/she is a nuisance around your neighborhood. Well, I don’t know him/her and neither do I know you. But don’t follow up your statement as if you’re trying to generalize the people I share my name with.

Because like me, you are also a part of a nuclear family of relatives – known and unknown to you, who could be problem people (addicts, rebels or thugs) equally adding a negative connotation to your brood.

For me, a Family is that group of people you’re comfortable with, who accepts you as you are (despite brutally knowing your flaws), who unconditionally stays with you through good and bad, and those who just doesn’t bother keeping up with you no matter how distant you’ve been, how you’ve changed and even after that – they don’t treat you any differently. No need to remind you of how bad you’ve been in the past, or how you did something to smear the name of your family. They say we don’t choose who becomes our family. I say we do. We choose the people we want to keep up with, bear with and live with unconditionally. And that makes the difference of being a ‘family’ and a ‘relative’.

This popular soap on TV, Walang Hanggan, shows the essence of being relatives and family. A grandmother who gave away her grandson heartlessly, and decades later begs for forgiveness upon realizing how deserving that grandson is of recognition. (He became successful, wealthy and equally rich as she is). And there’s the other grandmother who kept this unwanted grandson, raised him as her own child, wept when he was lost and rejoiced when he was found. That simple.